Advice on separation

Initial situation

Ms A. has been separated from her husband for two years. She lives in the house they built together and takes care of the house and garden on her own. Her husband rarely visits and does little to help. There is no financial arrangement, which is a burden for Ms A. She now suffers from stomach, heart and breathing problems. She would like to sell the house, but her husband is against it. Ms A. is considering divorce.

Proitera’s assignment

Ms A. contacts Proitera. She wants to know what her legal situation is so that she can feel more confident when talking to her husband about divorce.

Proitera's intervention

In a first step, Ms A's primary concern – her legal situation and the procedure for filing for divorce – is discussed. The social counsellor then focuses on Ms A.'s health. What is weighing on her mind, causing her heart to race and taking her breath away? Ms A. answers specific questions with clear, targeted statements. It becomes clear that at the heart of the matter is her feeling of powerlessness towards her husband and the unresolved situation. She feels insecure, helpless and unable to find the words to express herself to her husband. This makes her even more angry with herself. In the course of the counselling sessions, Ms A. realises that feelings and actions are directly related to each other. This, in turn, blocks communication with her husband. By identifying behavioural patterns and ways of disentangling them, it is possible to change the nature of the communication. Using Jürg Willi's collusion principle, Ms A. can now understand how things got to this point. This helps her to let go of the feelings of guilt she has built up and rebuild her self-confidence. It lays the foundation for a constructive clarification of the next steps.

Result

After the first session, Ms A. begins to actively tackle the situation with her husband. This brings noticeable relief, and her health problems subside. She also finds that her work is easier again. At the final meeting, she tells the counsellor that the conversations with Proitera helped her to separate emotionally as a couple. What's more, Ms A. and her husband have even found a way to talk to each other in an (almost) friendly manner.

After a deliberately planned break in counselling, Ms A. is delighted to report that her husband has now taken on specific jobs around the house. They are even considering the option of her husband moving into a separate flat on the ground floor after he retires. She is in good health again and no longer feels under pressure. She is particularly proud that she is now able to set better boundaries. The counselling did not lead to the divorce they had initially sought, but to an adjusted relationship after many years of marriage.